People desire friendships, social lives and community – including people with disabilities. For individuals with disabilities, however, developing friendships can be a difficult task. They may be met with hesitation, bossiness, or even uncertainty from those whom they’d like to get to know. But friendship and community are vital to the healthy well-being of any individual.  As Appropriate Independence points out, we are “created as individuals for community.”  Many educators are familiar with relationship building, but student peers are not. We hope that educators use the content of this article as an educational resource, to support and educate students on building relationships.

​Community is important, but sometimes we find ourselves wondering where and how to make friends. The same is true for an individual with a disability. Where might I find a friend? Where might I fit in?  Developing friendships with people who are different from us has many benefits, including: new perspectives, empathy, understanding, and fun! Where might you casually interact with an individual with a disability? The library, grocery store, local gym, schools, and churches are great places to meet new people.

When building a relationship with an individual who has a disability, having a friendship that goes deeper than “hi” is important. Involve your new friend in your typical social activities, spend time with them, and introduce them to other friends. These are great ways to deepen a friendship. But remember, it’s not all about you. Ask to do their favorite things or meet their friends and family. Sharing personal challenges, successes, and goals is a great way to understand and encourage each other. Developing a real friendship, appreciating your differences and valuing each other as people, is what having a relationship is all about.

We all need support sometimes, and individuals with disabilities are no different. When offering support to an individual with a disability, especially a friend, do so in the most appropriately independent way possible. It may be easy or tempting to do something for your friend but providing support doesn’t mean doing everything for somebody. Appropriate Independence tells us that we were “created on and for a purpose,” and that we are “created as individuals for community.” It also challenges us to “train for life” and “empower to serve.”

Supporting and encouraging a friend with a disability, without doing things for them, can look something like this:

• Letting them order their own meal at a restaurant, rather than speaking on their behalf. If they need assistance deciding on what to order, help them process through the decision making, and then allow them to order
• When someone asks your friend with an intellectual or developmental disability a question, let them answer for themselves. It is easy to get into the habit of answering on someone’s behalf because it is faster. But allowing them to answer for themselves is a great way to show that you value and respect them, despite what their answer will be or how long it may take them.
• Encourage them to purchase things for themselves, like a movie ticket or a magazine at the store. Support them as they manage their own money in these circumstances.

To read more of Erin & Alexandria’s article, click here.
To learn more about Appropriate Independence, click here. 

Have you finished a day with students and left feeling emotionally drained? Have you found yourself responding to the personal problems of others as if they are your own?
If you have answered yes to either of these questions it is time to evaluate your boundaries.
 
Setting clear boundaries or limits is essential to a mutually respectful relationship. A healthy relationship, whether student to student, student to teacher, or student to parent consists of two individuals each with a clearly defined sense of his or her own identity.
 
Boundary setting is not about control, being rude or difficult. When done in a positive manner, it benefits both individuals by establishing a climate of mutual respect. Setting boundaries teaches students how to effectively deal with uncomfortable situations, improves self-discipline, develops social skills, and prepares them for life’s challenges. Here are a few pointers to help you create healthy boundaries:
 
Decide what you want:
The first step in setting healthy boundaries is identifying what is necessary to improve the overall educational environment for the student. Ask yourself questions regarding if the class time is being used effectively or if the room is a learning environment. Ask yourself what you would change if you could and look for negative patterns. Self- evaluating your current situation is vital to student success. There are no right or wrong answers here. Boundaries are subjective and depend on the situation at hand, so decide how and with whom to address situations.
 
Be Firm:
After you decide how to proceed or what is needed, firmly state the boundary. Let’s say a student consistently interrupts class with questions that are off topic. Speak to the student individually and state what the problem is and the expected behavior. Have the student restate the issue and the desired behavior including why it is beneficial to all involved.
 
It is important that you remain calm and not justify or apologize for the boundary that you are setting. It is also important to remember that fewer words are usually more effective. Be clear and concise. This is not meant to discourage students, but to foster their ability to handle problems independently.
 
To read more of Jane’s article, click HERE.