Community is important, but sometimes we find ourselves wondering where and how to make friends. The same is true for an individual with a disability. Where might I find a friend? Where might I fit in? Developing friendships with people who are different from us has many benefits, including: new perspectives, empathy, understanding, and fun! Where might you casually interact with an individual with a disability? The library, grocery store, local gym, schools, and churches are great places to meet new people.
When building a relationship with an individual who has a disability, having a friendship that goes deeper than “hi” is important. Involve your new friend in your typical social activities, spend time with them, and introduce them to other friends. These are great ways to deepen a friendship. But remember, it’s not all about you. Ask to do their favorite things or meet their friends and family. Sharing personal challenges, successes, and goals is a great way to understand and encourage each other. Developing a real friendship, appreciating your differences and valuing each other as people, is what having a relationship is all about.
We all need support sometimes, and individuals with disabilities are no different. When offering support to an individual with a disability, especially a friend, do so in the most appropriately independent way possible. It may be easy or tempting to do something for your friend but providing support doesn’t mean doing everything for somebody. Appropriate Independence tells us that we were “created on and for a purpose,” and that we are “created as individuals for community.” It also challenges us to “train for life” and “empower to serve.”
Supporting and encouraging a friend with a disability, without doing things for them, can look something like this:
- Letting them order their own meal at a restaurant, rather than speaking on their behalf. If they need assistance deciding on what to order, help them process through the decision making, and then allow them to order
- When someone asks your friend with an intellectual or developmental disability a question, let them answer for themselves. It is easy to get into the habit of answering on someone’s behalf because it is faster. But allowing them to answer for themselves is a great way to show that you value and respect them, despite what their answer will be or how long it may take them.
- Encourage them to purchase things for themselves, like a movie ticket or a magazine at the store. Support them as they manage their own money in these circumstances.
To learn more about Appropriate Independence, click here.
Alexandria Rivera & Erin Lucherthand
Shepherds College