Language is very powerful. It can be used to create beautiful stories and poems. It can be used to communicate important business information or enable a couple to develop a relationship. It can be used to make a man feel accomplished and successful, or tear him down and make him feel like a child with nothing to offer.
In the Bible, James 3 says, “With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring?”
Those are some strong words! The writer is confronting the hypocrisy that comes out of our mouths. How can we use our tongue to praise God, while using the same tongue to tear people down? It doesn’t seem to make sense to James, the writer. And it shouldn’t. Earlier in the chapter, James says that the tongue is hard to tame. It is like a spark that sets the course of one’s life on fire.
What’s more is that most people don’t know how much of an impact their words have on others. They may not even know that they have negative language. People naturally have their own colloquialisms and personality that comes out when they speak. It could be a reflection of how they were raised, how they are feeling, or what they think they should be portraying.
Knowing that language is powerful and often negative, it is important that we are made aware of what we say and how we say it. At Shepherds College, we work with students who have intellectual/developmental disabilities, and they depend on us to guide them to independence. A wrong message could easily discourage, frustrate or otherwise negatively impact a student to stop seeking independence, and remind them of negative experiences they have had in the past.
So, how do we do that? How do we change our words to build the students up, rather than tear them down? It is going to require a deliberate, daily evaluation of how we respond to behaviors, expectations and conversations. It will require developing habits of addressing students differently at times. Here are a few suggestions in how to start using more positive language in our interactions with students:
- Instead of telling a student what is not done, reinforce what did get done and tell them what you expect to get done.
- Instead of telling a student what got done poorly, thank them for their effort and show them how you like it done. Ask if they think they can do it like that?
- Instead of explaining rules and regulations based on what students can’t do, try emphasizing how you expect them to act and what you expect them to do.
- Instead of saying “no”, provide choices as often as possible.
Our students thrive when they know that they are appreciated. They will feel appreciated when they feel like they have freedom and are shown love. One way to show love and give freedom is through positive language.
Joe DeCiccio |